What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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