You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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