I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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