1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Are we still banned from the library?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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