I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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