**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
