a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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