True but thats because hes a fetus.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
