Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
