I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
