Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
