She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
