Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
