Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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