i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize