He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
