So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
