new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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