Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
