I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
