I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We smell like vodka and hangover
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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