Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
