oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
