You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
