Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
