i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
