did you get engaged???
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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