Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
