I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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