You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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