he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
