For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
