I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
