I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
