also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
