bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
