these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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