We won't sleep together?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
try to milk me bitch
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
