I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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