Life is so much better after having sex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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