it was like his penis was on wheels.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
