its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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