Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
