i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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