Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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