you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize