My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
