I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
