no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
