thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
