I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
