Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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