the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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