apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
