imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
