Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
