After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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