i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
