There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I AM VODKA MAN
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
