Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
