You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
