Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
