Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
